Dear woman who wore the charm bracelet to yoga class on Friday:

Dear woman I don't know but who wore the charm bracelet to yoga on Friday,

I have news for you: from now on, STARTING RIGHT NOW THIS VERY SECOND, loud jewelry is officially illegal within a fifty foot radius of me. That means that yesterday you were breaking the law, but I'll let it slide since this law was only enacted as of today. But consider this a warning. We both know why you did this: to annoy the shit out of me. That, by the way, is me being generous with my compassion. But really, where else besides New York City would a 65 year old woman with perfectly coiffed long blond hair, in all black clothing no less, be wearing a charm bracelet to a yoga class!? (and this was one of among many other bracelets which thankfully, were not so loud).

And for real, I would not be complaining had the constant dangling and clanging not gotten in the way of me trying to relax. Me! in a yoga class! trying to relax! how dare I? I know I know, I shouldn't be trying to relax but trying instead to trim and tone my inner thighs but forgive me, I already have pretty great inner thighs. What I needed more was to be able to actually stay in a ten minute headstand without falling over but for the clanging of you bracelet, woman. Already it took you five minutes to get into headstand because your exceedingly loud CHARM bracelet got loudly caught in the ropes. And I was rolling my eyes upside down. I must have really looked like a yogi then, upside down and rolling my eyes into the back of my head. But then you also had to come down right after you finally got up. And we both know why that happened: because that charm bracelet weighs more than you. If I were to guess it would be a ratio of about 60:40 and we both know that that equation does not a happy headstand make. Seriously, the loud charm bracelet in yoga class: NOT CHARMING. I am also upset because you have officially made it important for me to have a label post entitled "charm bracelet" and how cool is that?